Transparency and Fatherhood

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. (Ephesians 6:1 ESV)


Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:4 ESV)

One day in a small group of Christian men I listened to a friend describe a low point of his fathering experience. His son had transgressed some rule that seemed so important at the time. He snapped, and began yelling at, and berating his son. The way he tells the story, he was looking into his son's eyes and something happened. I picture it like a light going off deep inside his son's head. That day left a scar. It was the straw that broke the boy's back. His son put up walls and became distant and cold toward him. From the strain in his face and the tears welling in his eyes, as he told this short story, I could see that those scars of regret remained on my friend's heart as well.

I thank God for the courage that He gave to allow that story to be shared, and the trust inherent in our Christian brotherhood that allows one man to be open with another about shortcomings and failures. The truth is, we all fail. When we can be open about our faults they can be turned from black marks into valuable tools. Tools that can help those around us to be more honest and self aware. Tools that can create an ideal environment for God to effect real change in our hearts.

I think it was a mixture of things that made that story have such an impact on me. Perhaps, there is a psychoanalytical answer in which I was identifying with his son, and connecting it to the memory of my own dad raising his voice at me when I was young. I believe that it was more about identifying with the father in the scenario, and a rising fear that I might become that kind of dad. At the time I think we only had one little baby, but I knew that I didn't ever want to get to that point with my own children. Either way I was very affected by that tale of woe, and stored it up in my heart as a tool that I might need later.

I will confess that I have spent years in prayer trying to maintain control over anger. God has been gracious towards me, and much of my hotheadedness was burned out in my youth. There is something about an obstinate child, though... Kids, especially your own kids, always seem to know how to push your buttons. Because of my temper my struggle lately has been to keep from being the family bully. Most of it can probably be chalked up to my own pride. ("How dare they act that way towards me!") I have to make a conscious effort not to react to things based on my flimsy idea of what might bruise my pride. Indeed, I pray that God might rid me of my false sense of pride completely. "One's pride will bring him low, but he who is lowly in spirit will obtain honor." (Proverbs 29:23 ESV) There is something to the fact that kids are in tune with the nuances in your personality, though. They know when they are getting to you, and they like to push things as far as they think they can get away with.

When I was a kid I was the same way. I distinctly remember one evening, when I was about nine, and we had been pushing my dad. I know without asking that this would not be a "proud father moment", but my father gave me a profoundly important gift that day. My siblings and I were the recipients of a bit of my father's wrath. We had pushed too far and it had ended in expletives. I had heard him curse before, but never towards us. Although I can't be certain, I don't remember it ever happening again. The gift was not the angry outburst or the words used, but what followed.

Later that evening he called us into the living room and asked that we would forgive him for what had happened. At the time I felt awkward and even confused. My dad was the most powerful person in my life, and he could be very proud. It was shocking to see him exhibit that level of humility. I can not tell you how important it was for me to be a part of that moment. My father had shown a spirit of service towards us, and more importantly he had openly displayed that he was deferring all judgment to God. I knew in that moment that my dad loved us. I knew in that moment that my dad needed the grace of God.

Our children have intrinsic value in God's eyes. They are individuals with souls and hearts and minds. It is helpful to me when I remember that these little people are in a struggle with their sin nature. They are tempted and tried just as we are. And, in like kind, they are in need of grace. We are to be as Christ to our family. We must be generous with our grace towards them.

When I am struggling in my role as disciplinarian, I try to use the tools at my disposal. I look to God for direction. The spirit of love and service, displayed by a proud father brought low, shines as an example. And, the cautionary tale of a friend, sounds it's gentle warning.

I would never want my kids find this post some day and be riddled with guilt over the grief they put me through. It is my sincere hope that my children would read this post as the musings of a transparent father who is willing to be molded by God into the man he ought to be.

My son, do not despise the Lord's discipline or be weary of his reproof, for the Lord reproves him whom he loves, as a father the son in whom he delights. (Proverbs 3:11, 12 ESV)




- Posted from my iPhone

Sailing the Seas of Relativism

In the preface to Fear and Trembling Kierkegaard gives this quote as a warning: "Above all we should impress on our memory as an infallible rule that what God has revealed to us is incomparably more certain than everything else; and that we ought to submit to the Divine authority rather than to our own judgement even though the light of reason may seem to us to suggest, with the utmost clearness and evidence, something opposite." -Descartes

The truth is that it is very easy to be seduced by our own logic. The truth is that it is so tempting to fall victim to our own ego.



In modern American culture we live in a sea of relativism. This makes each of us god unto ourselves. We are continually exposed to different circumstances that require us to make moral decisions. Since we were small children we have been instructed to swim in the relative sea coached by lifeguards who have built up our egos to believe that we alone possess the ability to discern what is right for us. This is a falsehood of the worst kind.

Like a child on a step stool we have tried to reach for things that were at God's level all along. (See Adam and Eve). However, we are simply not equipped to wield the powers of God. We are the created, not the Creator. It requires a spectacular display of hubris to say that "I am the highest moral authority in my life."

So you see some "new" cultural phenomena that is embraced by the people around you? Someone has cast off the strictures of the generation before? These things are perpetuated by friends that you know and love? Perhaps you can see your way to a beautiful silver thread of logic leading to the justification of their actions? Good news: you do not have to do the backstroke through the sea of gray. We are not obliged to provide bandwagon support to the latest trends. Take a breath and remind yourself that "There is nothing new under the sun"- Eccl. 1:9b. The Bible is the living Word of God and much of what we wonder about is addressed directly. We also have 2000 years of Saints who have gone on before us wading through the difficult questions and finding inspired answers through God. Let us not be too quick to throw away the gift of the revelations of our Church Fathers.

The beauty of the faith of the Christian is that it is not dependent on us, and the strength of our moral convictions is that they are not born from our own flawed logic. Righteousness is revealed through the Word. Our lives are lived in faith. That faith informs every aspect of our lives. Think you have it figured out? Check your pride at the door. The Holy Spirit, through the Word, will instruct your path.

"For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek. For in it the righteousness of God is revealed from faith for faith, as it is written, "The righteous shall live by faith." Romans 1:16-17

- Posted from my iPhone

Can't You Take A Hint?

When we were kids I spent a lot of time with my younger brother Quentin. It is sad to think that I have not seen him in almost 3 years now. We talk occasionally, and I hope to see him this summer. I do not, by any stretch, spend the kind of time with him that is required to find him annoying. Things were different when we were kids. I have plenty of memories from my childhood that involve being annoyed by my little brother. One of those annoying memories has become a life lesson for me.

There was a time, when he was seven or eight years old, that my brother was Prince of the Strong Hint. If you had a treat of any sort he would sidle up alongside you and it would begin. (For our example we will say that I was partaking of a frosty beverage, probably Pepsi.)

"I sure am thirsty" he would start. "I really need a drink of something." Soon, he would get concerned that you were not receiving the message and the hints would get more specific. "I wish I had some Pepsi right now". "Pepsi is sooo good".

I am not now, nor was I when I was twelve, very receptive to manipulation. Most people probably agree that it is awful to feel as though someone is trying to bend you to their benefit. This passive manipulation is perhaps one of the worst types. The manipulator is either too cowardly or too proud to come right out and say/ask for what they want. Instead, they attempt to control your actions through an ugly combination of pity and guilt brought on by overtly heavy hints.

I forgive my eight year old brother for employing such a base and lowly tactic. What is your excuse full grown man/woman who continues to bully the people, in your life, with this same strategy?


- Posted from my iPhone

Taxes

There has been a lot of discussion this week concerning taxes, and government spending. I think for many of us this conversation can not hold our interest. This apathy is an unfortunate byproduct of a government that has lost the trust of it's people. We see a compromise on the scale that we saw last week and both sides assume that their representatives have sold them out. Sadly, for both sides it is largely true. The reality is that the government is not on our team. When I say "our" I truly mean every American citizen who does not work for the government itself.

The real truth is that the government has ceased to be the necessary support apparatus that it was designed to be. We are now dealing with an enormous entity that demands to be recognized as a power unto itself.

Dial down all of the political rhetoric and think about what is truly being said and what is accepted as "truth". A country as rich as America ought to be able to pay for ______(insert well-meaning program here). Take your pick. Health care. Higher education. World aid. Etc. Etc. This is where the water gets muddy for many Americans. We feel a moral obligation to say yes we ought to be able to extend these things, without asking what it all means.

Where does the American government get it's money? From it's citizens. What would happen if those citizens did not surrender the money asked of them? Imprisonment, garnishment, ceasing of property, or any number of other punishments. (see Wesley Snipes) This is key, in my opinion. Every dollar that the federal government spends, on anything, has been forcibly taken from it's citizenry.

As Americans we are all responsible for what our government does. The power that they possess is given them by the people they have sworn to represent, and whether passively, grudgingly, or enthusiastically we have given them the power to exact a toll on those who live within our borders. Whether that power is constitutional or not can be debated, but it may no longer matter. The precedent has been set and accepted that this is what we want our country to do. The majority of the people feel it necessary in order to maintain an orderly society.

The very fact that we are compelling people, by force, to pay federal taxes comes with it a burden to mete out those funds to only those tasks deemed absolutely fundamental to preserving the sovereignty of the U.S.A. and, the protection of it's people and their freedoms.

Herein lies the rub ladies and gentleman; we have a chosen few elected officials making the decisions over what those fundamentals are. They have the constitution, but still the job is not without gray areas.

When you consider some of the things that the government pays for it is not hard to find things that anyone can agree falls outside these guidelines. This is a simple argument. Do we feel that it is right to take money from our neighbors to pay for our own lives/social projects/charitable causes? Before you answer that, remember that we have laws in place that will strip those same neighbors of their right to personal property and possibly imprison them if they refuse to pay for your lives/social projects/charitable causes.

When we hear "A country as rich as America ought to be able to pay for ______(insert well-meaning program here)." The moral imperative that we ought to feel is "Who are we to force our neighbor to pay for ____(insert college, Union contracts, cowboy poetry, etc. here)."

We cannot afford to forget that power corrupts. If you are not a part of the government's team then you are on our team, and we must be diligent to keep the other in check.


- Posted from my iPhone

Rock and Roll (a list)

At the risk of making my blog into list central, I am going to give you yet another list: Top Ten Greatest Rock and Roll Songs of all Time. I have attempted to make lists of this nature before and was crushed by the stress of it all. If you do not know me very well, you should understand that I absolutely love music. My love for music makes me highly opinionated. My love also makes me a bit fickle (if that makes any sense). The idea of taking 60 some odd years of Rock and Roll and limiting my list to ten songs fills me with a fear and stress that is hard to explain. This list should be understood as a snapshot of how I feel right now and I reserve the right to change it at any time.

Before we start here are the ground rules that I gave myself for this list. The parameters designed to help me reign in my, already too long, list of songs. First, I stayed in the middle of the road. If I determined a song to be "too punk" or "too metal" etc. I put it in a different category and therefore you won't see it here. Second, I stuck to the hits. I am not, necessarily, making a list of my favorite songs.
I am attempting to make a list of historically Great songs.





10) Long Cool Woman in a Black Dress by The Hollies
I know this makes me sound older than my years (in a bad way), but I wish rock and roll still sounded this way. <----A sentiment that runs through this entire list. Listen to the build up and the, oh so cool, way he tells the story. The Hollies are very underrated and I bumped a lot of respectable bands to give this song a spot.

9) Jailhouse Rock by Elvis Presley
For years I had forgotten Elvis. He, and this song in particular, have been parodied and made fun of so many times that you forget how great he was. Try to clear your head and hear the energy and fun in this song for the first time. Infectious.

8) Born on the Bayou by Credence Clearwater Revival
CCR continues to remind me of my Dad. We had a couple cassettes kicking around the house when I was a kid, and I used to huddle close to the stereo speakers and listen in awe. John Fogerty's voice comes from an amazing place, not accessible to us mere mortals.

7) Come Together by The Beatles
If you are like me it is easy to get "Beatle Fatigue". No band gets rammed down our throats more often. This song really works for me, though. The nonsensical nature of it's lyrics actually makes it that much easier to have a good time singing along. "One and one and one makes three, got to be good lookin cause he's so hard to see".

6) Foxy Lady by Jimi Hendrix
When I hear this song I think of Dana Carvey as Garth in Wayne's World doing his little fox dance. Guitar heavy and saturated in cool, this song cannot be denied.

5) You Shook Me All Night Long by ACDC
Just in case you forgot this was a Rock and Roll list, I give you ACDC. I apologize if the lyrics make you blush, but this is a great song. The music and melody are very simple, as they should be. Remember, if it's too loud you're too old.

4) You Really Got Me by The Kinks
When I listen to this song I can't believe it was recorded in 1964. It feels so modern. That is because modern rock owes so much to The Kinks and other pioneers like them. Many are familiar with Van Halen's version, but this is where it all began people.

3) My Generation by The Who
Pete Townsend is such a bad-ass! His trademark wheel-wind guitar move is so great. This song has teenage angst in spades. I love the energy and sentiment in this song.

2) Just What I Needed by The Cars
If you get a chance in the near future, sit down and listen to the entire self-titled Cars album that Just What I Needed was released on in 1978. My vinyl copy (in the picture above) has spent a lot of time on my turntable. The entire thing is a work of art, and this song is near perfect.

1) Paint it Black by The Rolling Stones
There are a few early Rolling Stones songs that I absolutely love. There is so much fun and energy packed into them. This song is a little darker. I think it's the dark edge of the song that makes it so great. Mick and Keith and the guys may be burned out old rockers now, but the musicianship and style on exhibit for this track are what makes rock and roll so powerful.

One last note...
For the purposes of this list I linked to YouTube videos for the music. These videos in many cases don't have the best versions of these songs. If you want my advice, go out and buy the albums or at least download the tracks on iTunes. Take a couple minutes and really listen to them again (or for the first time).

- Posted from my iPhone

The Woman in Animal Print

I pushed my cart across the large marble floor in the cold, lofty entry of the Federal Courthouse. I held the cart out in front of me to accommodate the long strides I was making. On my cart were mini scones, coffee and water with all the trimmings, bound for the sixth floor. There was a meeting in the main conference room in the US Attorneys office, and I had to make delivery by 9:45.

As my cart rattled over the wide grout lines in the marble floor, I passed a bench awkwardly placed under a portrait of a dead man. The bench was populated by a couple of middle aged women. The first I forgot as soon as I saw her. The second addressed me and won herself a place in my memory.

She was an interesting looking woman. Her portly figure clothed in some sort of animal print blouse. I think it was leopard, but the skin of that graceful animal seemed ill-suited for the form it now covered. She had the face of someone who had been down a lot of roads and seen a lot of things. Now, those same eyes were seeing me.

Her query was a simple one.
"Can I have a cookie?" she asked.

I slowed my cart, and an easy smile crossed my lips. "Another joker looking for a cookie" was the mean thought that flashed through my brain.

Before I could respond, however, she spoke again. Cutting off whatever witty response my brain was about to spill out.

"Never mind" she said. "I know they are for someone special."

Her statement threw me off. I no longer had a witty response. Instead, I resumed my pace and continued on to the North Elevators.

As I spread my wares I continued thinking about what she had said, and how she had said it. There was something matter-of-fact about the way that she said it. It was truly heartbreaking. I believe she had opened a window into her wounded spirit for just a moment, and I had gotten a glimpse of damage wrought by many who had trodden her under foot in this life. When I finished my delivery I went downstairs and back past the lady. This time I gave her a warm smile.

I can't shake the vision of The Woman in Animal Print. My initial reaction to her was to look at her as another casualty of this world. I wrote her off. I gave up on her before I knew anything about her. What's even sadder, is she had given up on herself.

Everyone we meet, everyone that we have already met, has an intrinsic value in God's eyes. Christ died for them individually. Who are we to judge whether they are valuable?

Matthew 13:45,46

Woman in Animal Print you are God's pearl. He has given his only Son for you, and I am sorry that I didn't remember that the first time we met.


- Posted from my iPhone

App-tastic

I realize that the world doesn't have much need for another "best of" list, especially for iPhone apps, but I am writing this blog anyway. Let's not kid ourselves, you don't read this blog out of need.

I personally know a lot of people who have gotten iPhones in the last year or two, and I find the opinions of people that I know more interesting than random Internet reviewers. Think of this as the start of a conversation that I would like to have about which apps (free or paid for) are worth your time. Feel free to comment at the bottom of this blog, on my Facebook page, or on Twitter with your own additions to or subtractions from this list.

My Top Five iPhone Apps

1. BlogPress




I would be remiss not to include this brilliant blog authoring app. In case you haven't guessed I am writing this blog right now using this tool. In fact, I have never written my blog on a standard computer. Since it's inception, every post on itsacryingshane has been written on my phone using BlogPress. The people behind this app haven't forgotten about it either. It continues to improve. Recently even adding the ability to imbed links on the app removing any necessity for fine-tuning from a desktop. This app is $2.99 in the app store, and worth every penny.

2.Twitterrific




I don't know if you are using Twitter. If you have a smartphone or spend a lot of time in front of your computer you should be. Twitter is an instant source of information from your friends, sports figures, organizations, celebrities, etc., and you won't find a better way to interface with Twitter than Twitterrific. This app gives you a clean and clear timeline with powerful, yet easy, controls. It has it's drawbacks (including the inability to change your profile pic within the app), but I have experimented with numerous Twitter apps and found none better. It is $4.99 to upgrade this app, but I use the free version and find the ads at the top of my timeline minimally invasive.

3. Netflix




Ah, the wonder of Netflix. Streaming TV shows and movies over 3G? Yes, please. This free app does require a Netflix account (most are around $10 bucks a month), but it is ridiculously convenient. Best part in my opinion? This app usually does not get glitchy or freeze when your connection slows down. What will happen is it temporarily degrades the picture quality, making it grainy but watchable, while your information stream plays catch up.

4.IMDb




Most of us "in the know" already use this website to research all things Hollywood. The IMDb app takes that information and makes it that much more accessible. I am a sucker for old or obscure movies, and I find myself cross-referencing directors, actors, and movie titles on an almost daily basis. Remember that movie with Van-Damme where he uncovers a plot to kill prison inmates and sell their organs on the black market? IMDb does, and you can probably even watch the theatrical trailer while you are there.

5. SportsTap




My final entry on this list is a beauty of sheer information. A no-frills, stats-based, sports lovers dream. Up to date stats on most every sport that matters. I lean heavy on this app during Fantasy Football.

Notably missing from my list is the Facebook app which I use regularly. While I enjoy the connections that I have found through Facebook, the app is fraught with programming holes and errors.

Another thing noticeably not on this list are games. Truth is, I rarely play games on my iPhone. When I do it is usually Angry Birds or my newest app Fruit Ninja.

Don't forget to chime in on your favorite apps! I am eager to have my eyes opened to the great ones I have been missing.

- Posted from my iPhone